The Reader

I want to take a few moments to comment on the 2009 Oscar nominated movie that shares the same name as the title of this blog entry. Specifically I want to focus my attention toward best actress winner Kate Winslet (pictured here in perhaps her most famous role). In her role in The Reader she showed such subtle emotion and vulnerability unlike any other portrayal I’ve ever seen from any other actress in quite a while. She brought such a heartbreaking elegance to the film; it was very moving to watch. She no doubt deserved the Oscar.

She was also “butt booty nekkid” and engaged in lots of what I like to call “movie sex” in at least a third of the film. In my opinion, this is admirable on many levels and not just on the “she’s hot” level either. (I mean she IS hot, but she’s also a very talented actress.) For her to be that comfortable in her own skin to then show all of it from head to toe for all the world to see is really something (and this ain’t the first time either). However, when I think of Kate my mind does not immediately race directly to her naked flesh in The Reader. Instead I will always think of the second half of this two minute clip from the HBO show Extras. Never thought there would ever be a situation where these three words together were appropriate but . . . Hottest Nun Ever!!!

Let me begin spewing out my unproven theory that I of course just made up. Kate’s role in The Reader she is naked a lot with lots of that “movie sex” happening. She won the best actress Oscar. Halle Berry was naked a lot in Monster’s Ball and wallered on the couch and the floor naked with a naked Bill Bob Thornton. She also won a best actress Oscar. Halle probably should have also gotten a “Best Stunt” Oscar, or a “Thanks for Taking One for the Team” Oscar, or a “Damn Girl, You Deserve a Medal Along with this Oscar” Oscar because again, she had to waller around on a couch naked with Billy Bob Thornton. . . . Bill Bob Thornton. (I’m just sayin’ if I had a vagina I wouldn’t want Bill Bob’s “Thornton” anywhere near it.)
Moving on . . .

My unproven completely horseshit theory is this – “movie sex” can be a lot like heterosexual sex. If you want to create life from having hetero sex and everything is operating as it should, you put yourself whole heartedly into the act then nine months later you have yourself a baby. If everything is operating correctly (boom mics, cameras, lighting, key grips, etc.) and you put yourself wholeheartedly into the “movie sex” then nine months later (or less - depending on when your movie comes out) you have yourself an Oscar. And with movie sex you don’t have to limit yourself to hetero sex to get the Oscar (Right Swanky?). Before I move on I really want to pay tribute to my favorite Halle Berry cinematic moment.

“Okay so is this blog entry just you professing your love for Kate and Halle?” No. Yes. Maybe. Kinda. The title of this blog entry is a direct reference to what my new healthy routine will do for me. I love to read, but I’m very particular. I have to have just the right conditions to read a book – quiet with just a touch of background noise and very few distractions. I read on airplanes, in my hotel room when traveling for work, and while riding my recumbent bike in the evenings. I sit down, I pedal away, and I read my heart out. There is a little clip or stand where I can rest the book I’m reading. It is hands-free until I need to turn the page. It is awesome. The exercise part of my five part plan presents me with more opportunities to read. My exercise plan not only burns fat and calories, but it will also stimulate my brain. Multitasking!

This has inspired me to incorporate this into my blog. After I finish a book I will then blog about it here – just like a little book review. Books on the Bike.

Okay so that was a long journey to get to my point, but wasn’t it a fun ride? (Don’t answer that . . . or do . . . whatever, I’ll be too busy reading and pedaling to care.) I’m a Newly Fat Guy and as of this morning I weigh 252 lbs. Three pounds in 10 days – that works for me. I’d rather not lose too much too fast as a result of trying to get healthy or in some cases as a result of trying to get unhealthy. (There is no joke to go along with that picture because deep down it truly makes me sad and angry and sick to my chubby stomach. By outward appearances she used to be a beautiful person and that is all fucked up now and I for one think it fucking sucks. Okay I’ll calm down now and stop typing f-bombs.)

“I can lose weight, but you’ll always be off somewhere having movie sex.”

PS – This 4th blog entry also signifies a milestone in my blogging history. Until this point my foray into blogtown (population a gajillion) only merited three blog posts – if you care to you may read those here.